....Or how efficiency might be worth some serious driving. We've had several requests for long distance garden installs. At first burning forty gallons of diesel fuel to install a garden seemed a little like a bad idea, and possibly immoral. But wait. Syd had to drive Pine Knoll Shores, about four hours away to install a garden for her mother. That's right we make exceptions for family. After several spirited phone conversations, one alternator, one near death high speed stall, and one ulcer's worth of worrying on my part, she made it. Installed the garden and brought back a sweet recliner to boot. She also scored a manual meat grinder (circa 1968) for processing our worm food.
So, in honor of Madoff's guilty plea, we've decided to start our own pyramid scheme. Here's how it works:
If you live less than three hours away, we will build you a garden if you can sell two to your friends or neighbors (preferably next door neighbors). You don't even have to throw in the recliner. We've already got one. You should feed us and bring out fresh squeezed lemonade while we work.
If you live over three hours away, but less than five, you gotta line up three more gardens, that's a total of four. You also have to let us sleep at your house. Make us coffee in the morning and give us beer, Tylenol, and bourbon at night, not necessarily in that order.
If you live five hours away, but less than ten, you will have to sell 10 gardens, put us up for the night, take us out to a really nice dinner, rub our feet, and tell us how great we look since the last time you saw us. You will also have to furnish a doctors note for our real jobs, pack us a lunch for the way home, get a pack of pig's ears for the dog (she loves those things), and we are going to need a recliner, or some sort of apparatus that our worms will enjoy.
If you live more than ten hours away, you have to line up forty five gardens. We will install one for you. That's the demo. Then we will furnish you with Grow Your Own t-shirts, brochures, and your very own blog, and you will be our first franchisee. We will collect a reasonable percentage of your first year's profits, and the sky is the limit from there.
In all long distance garden situations, you will have to find a topsoil source, we will bring the garden box, amendments, labor and the huge truck to haul it all around.
We look forward to seeing you in your neighborhood soon.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment